POTC: Scary Movie Stlye
by Mad Mistress of Death
Summary: This is something that popped into my head last year, so I decided to share it. WILL NOT FINISH! I don't own anything, and not making any money
1. Chapter 1

-1_A/N: enter this scene the same way in the movie. _

"...Please don't take my sunshine away," A man grabs the young singing girl and turns her around.

"Don't be singing about sunshine in this type of fog, missy-" the salty sea sailor said.

"That's enough, Mr. Gibbs," Norrington interrupted.

"But the little girl was singing about the sun in B-minor, ba-ad luck to be singing about the sun in B-minor in this type of weather, Sir."

"That maybe so Mr. Gibbs, but if I-"

"Look an umbrella, an umbrella in the water…" the young girl interrupted Norrington. Everybody ran to the port side, and saw the umbrella.

"Heave to, men." Norrington started shouting orders.

"Mr. Norrington, may I ask what are you doing?" An old man with a big wig asked.

"It's good luck to find an umbrella floating in the water, sir. But ba-ad luck to let it keep floating." Mr. Gibbs replied before Norrington could.

"And what about the boy?" the old man with the big wig asked. Everybody rushed, back to the port side and saw a boy lying on a piece of drift wood.

"Let sleeping dogs lye, says I," Mr. Gibbs said. Norrington looked at Mr. Gibbs, "Well, there is no superstition about rescuing boys out of the water, sir, but he looks mighty peaceful sir." Norrington started to shout orders to bring the boy aboard.

The boy was brought on board and everybody surrounded him.

"What should we do with him?" a sailor asked.

"I say we should eat him." another sailor shouted out.

"Hit 'im with a rock." another shouted.

All but one of the sailors started to chanting, "Rock, Rock," and Norrington lifted the rock up and was about to bring it down on the boy when the sailor who wasn't chanting called for him.

"What do you see sailor?" Norrington asked when he seen the sailor was looking through an eyeglass.  
"The sea, sir." the sailor shouted back.

Norrington sighed, "I see the sea too sailor, now what about it?"  
"There is a ship burning and sinking, sir." By now everybody was tired of running to port side so they walked. Once they seen the site they all grew quiet.

"Well, everybody's thinking it, so I'll just say it," Mr. Gibbs broke the silence, "Jaws."

"Jaws?" the young girl asked just above a whisper.

"Aye, Jaws. The biggest shark ever to swim the seven seas." Mr. Gibbs answered, and just then the young girl's eyes grew wide as she saw a huge fin go under water…

Elisabeth woke up.


	2. Chapter 2

-1Elisabeth got out of bed and picked up an umbrella. It was white with Happy Bunny saying "Please stop existing. Thanks." all over it. She sighed and put it back down and looked under her bed. She pulled out three more umbrellas. One had a Mickey Mouse autograph, another had the Lion King on it, and the last one had Tinkerbell.

"Where did I put it?" she muttered to herself. Then she saw her sea chest. "Of course." She walked over to it and opened it up…

It was full of sand.

Groaning, she began to dig in the sand when a knock came to the door, and a really old man with a really big wig came in.

"Ah, playing in the sand box at this hour?" the really old man with a really big wig asked. Elisabeth forced a smile and nodded. "Ah, well, I got you a dress I want you to wear to Norrington's cogration (sp?)." The really old man said before he walked out the door.

Elisabeth looked at the dress, "Well at least his sense in style has improved, I still can't believe he made me wear the really bright pink dress that had bright green pokadots on it." As she got dressed she found the umbrella lying on her bed. She picked it up and looked at it. It was the one from her dream, her past, and the one from the beginning of this story. It was THE umbrella. Elisabeth walked down stairs with it and saw Will and the really old man with the really big wig looking at what appeared to be a tombstone. She walked over to get a better look. 

_Here lies The REALLY old man  
With the REALLY big wig  
Now quit staring at his tomb stone  
It is really rude of you to stare  
Respect the Dead will you?  
Gosh people these days…_

"I like it," she heard the really old man said. Then Will and the old man noticed Elisabeth.

"Will, I had a dream about you last night." she quickly said, cause she started to feel uncomfortable at Will's staring.

"Really a dream about me?" Will stood up straighter.

"Yes, about the first time we met. Do you remember?"

Will shuddered at the thought of it, "How could I forget? Most of the crew was disappointed that they didn't hit me with a rock."

"Do they still try to do that?" 

"Yes, but they haven't tried in a week, so hopefully they gave up on it."

"Elisabeth, we must go or we'll be late." the really old man with the really big wig pleaded. Elisabeth smiled and nodded at the old man, and the two started to walk towards the door.

"Goodbye Will." As soon as Elisabeth walked out the door, she sighed heavily at what she saw. There was a brown carriage, four really strong men where there would normally be two horses, and two men seating in the drivers seat holding two coconuts each. As soon as Elisabeth and the really old man with the really big wig sat down in the carriage, the two men in the driver's seat started to hit the coconuts together, and the four men pulled the carriage at a really slow rate.

Will was watching the carriage turn around the corner at the end of the driveway when he heard something. He turned around, and saw about 30 men, and one man holding a rock.  
"Rock, rock" the men chanted. Will's eyes widened, and he ran down the drive way while screaming like a girl.

Jack Sparrow licked the Main Mast. The peppermint flavor made his mouth water… 'Oompa Loompas maybe strange orange people, but they do make good boats,' Jack thought to himself as he licked the huge peppermint stick that served as his mainmast. Suddenly a Jolly Rancher hit him in the head. He stopped licking the mast and looked down to see two little orange people with green hair. They gave him a look that usually meant, 'Dude what the crap are you doing?' or 'Dude why are you eating the boat?' Finally after a few minutes one did a series of claps and weird noises. All he could make out of it was either, a.) the cookies were gone, and they had no nuts, or b.) the boat was sinking, and they had no coconuts. 'Strange,' Jack thought again.

He looked back out to sea, and saw that they were coming close to a dock. Jack jumped down from the mast and landed into some liquid stuff. When he looked down he saw that he landed into a thick brown watery stuff. Sparrow sighed and took a bucket and started shoveling the liquid out of the boat. He finally gave up and threw the bucket out of the boat.  
When the dock was near enough, Jack stepped on to it and started walking. "Excuse me, sir. It is a shilling to tie your boat to the dock, and I must have your name." Jack turned to a old man and looked him over. He walked over to the stout man.

"What do we say that, I give you three shillings…" Jack broke off when the shillings didn't leave his hand. He looked at his red and white stripped hand that had three shillings stuck on it. He shook his hand hard, and they still didn't come off. Jack took his other hand and tried pulling one off. The shilling stuck to that hand. He tried various odd ways to get the shillings unstuck.

The old man cleared his throat and Jack looked up. The man took the sticky coins off his hand. Jack's eyes widened, then he grinned, "Er… yes… um.. I give you three shillings and we forget the name." The man looked at the coins on his book and then at Jack.

"Right. Welcome to Port Royal, Mr. Wonka." Jack gave the look of satisfaction and walked off. The man looked down at a orange little man with green hair running after the newly dubbed Mr. Wonka. 'Strange,' the man thought to himself and he bit into one of the coins. He was surprised that he could sink his teeth into it and that is tasted good. The man looked back at the coin that he just took a bite out of, and found the inside of it had a dark brown center to it. Jack watched the man, and found his opportune moment and took the bag of coins that was on a table and walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

-1_A/N: Ok… I was stuck on the part where Jack and the two British soldiers were talking, and so I just skipped it, now they are on the boat and jack changes the subject. Sorry if it is confusing, but please bare with me. _

"Have you ever heard of Loompaland?" Murtogg and Mullroy looked at each other then back at Jack and shook their heads no. Jack shudders and continues "What a terrible country it is! Nothing but thick jungles infested by the most dangerous beasts in the world - hornswogglers and snozzwangers and those terrible wicked whangdoodles…" 

_Meanwhile about 10 steps off the ship, 30 steps off away from the dock, 50 yards to the fort's gate, up a flight of 100 stairs, down 100 steps, walking across the court and go up another 100 stairs…_

Elisabeth was out of breathe… Norrington started speaking. Elisabeth only heard something about the weather being ridiculously hot. 'No argument there,' she thought. Then she looked at the water, 'The water looks really refreshing, I think I'll go for a swim." And with that Elisabeth jumped from the tower and down to the sea below. 

"…So I told them that I would pay in coconuts, and then they made me they're chief." a huge splash made everyone look to the sea.

"What was that?" Murtogg asked.

"a fish?" Mullroy.

Suddenly a bunch of Oompa Loompas came out and started singing, "_Elisabeth Swann, Elisabeth Swan…_"  
"What are they doing?"

"Why, I believe they're going to treat us to a little song. It is quite a special occasion, of course. They haven't had a fresh audience in many a moon." They all sat and listened to the rest of the song, even got up and started to dance. 

"WAIT!" Mullroy shouted, and everyone stopped. "Isn't Elisabeth Swann the name of the Governor's daughter?"

"Why, come to think of it I believe it is." Murtogg replied after a few moments of thought.

"You," Jack turned to Murtogg, "Can you swim?" Murtogg shamefully shook his head 'no,' the Jack turned to Mullroy.

"Only doggy paddle," he answered. 

"Pride of the English Navy you are," and with that Jack jumps into the ocean to rescue Miss. Swann. While he was swimming back up to the top with Elisabeth in his arms he saw the umbrella from the beginning of the story and grabbed it also.

Once Elisabeth and the umbrella were on the dock, Jack kneeled down beside the unconscious girl, and took out a cat. The cat sniffed Elisabeth's head and look gave a look at Jack and meowed.

A huge grin cover Jack's face. "She's fine!" he announced. Murtogg and Mullroy looked at each other and shrugged. Jack saw this and sighed. "I just gave her a cat scan." Then he smiled again looking all proud of himself.

They sat there for a little while, then Mullroy decided to break the silence.

"Soo… Is there a reason why she isn't breathing?" Once again Jack lost his smile and looked at Miss Swann. While he was looking at the girl, the two British soldiers could have sworn that they saw a light bulb flicker above Jack's head.

The light would turn on, and Jack would look like he was about to say something, but then shake his head and the light would go off again. Then the dim light slowly got brighter and the light bulb got really bright until it broke into a thousand pieces. 

With a huge grin, Jack picked up a white mask with a black hood and it's jaw hanging down like it was screaming, he put it on and grabbed his knife and held it above the girl's head. Before the two British soldiers, who thought that Jack was going to kill the governor's daughter, who already seemed dead, could do anything, Jack brought the knife down and cut all the buttons on her corset, and Elisabeth gasped for air.

It took a few seconds for her to realize that she was only in her shift and three men were staring at her. Jack picked up the umbrella.

"Where did you get this?" he asked in a mysterious manner. Before Elisabeth could answer the sound of a bunch of boots came marching up to them. Jack, Elisabeth, Mullroy, Murtogg, Oompa Loompas 1,6,3,8,300,50, and 1000 all looked at the British soldiers.

"Mary!" the really old with the really big wig said in surprise.

"My name is Elisabeth." She said a little aggravated. 

Jack looked around at all the British soldiers trying to see if he ever threatened any of them before in a paranoid fashion. "Norrington?" 

"Yes, Jack it's me." Norrington shook with rage. Jack's eyes got wide and turned his flank and started to run in a zigzag line

"My umbrella, he took my umbrella." Elisabeth cried out, "After him!"

The soldiers ran after him. Jack ran into a black smiths shop and looked around. The door slammed behind him and he turned around. A young man with brown hair, was looking up in the air and was breathing heavily. Outside the door you could hear a bunch of men shouting "Rock, Rock" and slowly the noise drifted away.

Will noticed Jack for the first time, "You," he said in a loud whisper.

"Me." Jack shouted back. Will's eyes went wide and he hushed Jack and jerked his head to a sleeping man in a chair. Jack's mouth from an "O" and nodded, "Well then I best get going." he said much quieter.

"No, you tried to hurt Miss Swan."

"What? No, your just jealous because I rescued her and you didn't."

"No I'm not."

"Are."

"Not"

"Are"

"Not"

"Are, and I quite." Jack said the last words really fast and smiled smuggly because he won the little pointless game.  
"Oh, yeah, well I challenge you to a duel." Will's eyes narrowed daring Jack to accept.

"Alright, I take your challenge." Both men slowly drew out their deck of cards.

"I summon, the Red eyes blue dragon!" Will whispered.

"Well I summon little yellow weird thingy!" Jack whispered back.


End file.
